Junk Food, Obesity, Insecurity…

I am writing about my life, my experiences, my issues! I am not interested in what others do, if you are happy, I am happy for you!

When I sit down and think about it, I find that there is not enough information out there about keeping healthy and eating healthy. We all understand the 5 a day when it comes to fruit and veg, but I never understood what was a good alternative to junk food. Most of the healthy alternatives are expensive and not so tasty. This is why I used to eat junk and not think about it till I was obese.

I used to drink every night and enjoyed a pizza or similar. I didn’t realise how it would effect my body in way including putting on excess fat. I had no idea that my cholesterol was getting to a dangerous level and I had no idea that I was abusing my body and I could become diabetic if I carried on my habits.

My nan passed away when I was little. She had both her legs removed due to being diabetic. It pains me to say that it was mainly down to her diet and exercise which caused all this trouble. It was all self self harm which led to becoming disabled and eventually death. It is heart breaking to know someone that would actually do this and as I sit back now and think about it, I was on the right track to ending up the same way.

I was abusing my body with junk food, beer, smoking, lack of exercise and so on. I was very unhealthy and very overweight. (Overweight as in excess fat, not over weight due to being strong and healthy) I abused my body so much that I have now damaged my insides and I simply can’t eat or drink anything fatty as I will be on the floor in pain with my stomach.

If I eat something like a greasy/hot pizza now, I will be on the toilet in pain before I even finish a couple of slices. I have ruined my body! I take this as a marker now, which means I have no choice but to eat half decent food. I simply can’t eat junk as I can’t cope with my insides feeling like they are being ripped out.

All this is down to ‘ME’ though! I was abusing my body everyday for most of my teenage/adult life. I was the one drinking silly amounts of beer from a young age, I was the one ramming full pizzas down my neck every night, I was the one to blame and now I have to pay for it.

If I didn’t look in the mirror that one day, or feel embarrassed when stepping on those scales, or getting out of breath pushing my daughter on the swing, I would never have stopped until I was in hospital.

*I need to just stop my writing for a second and remind you that I’m talking about me. You do what you want to do, your life wont affect mine, it will only affect your families*

I started off by wanting to lose body fat. I walked everywhere and eventually jogged every where. I started losing a pound and then 2 pound, 5 pounds and then a stone over a few months. Then I cut down on the calories and lost more body fat, whilst jogging further and getting fitter. I could eventually run for a mile up a very steep hill and  this was a phenomenal achievement for me.

Once I got down to 11 stone 6 pounds, I was lost. I lost the weight and got fit, but I just couldn’t see where I needed to go next. Then I spoke to John and realised I needed to get muscular. Over the next year I started spending more time researching foods and I was still struggling to understand what was actually good for me. I couldn’t find the information that I needed on healthy eating. I was looking at the media too much and following these low calorie rubbish foods thinking they were good.

I thought that a ‘healthy bar’ would be good for me, but now I understand that I will get much more nutrition from something simple like a hard boiled egg. This is information that is not easily there for you. We all know fruit and veg are good, but what about all the chemicals they spray all over them? Again, we are not wise until we do excessive research into the foods. I am far from knowing the perfect nutritional diet, but I am out there researching daily and trying to educate myself on this.

*now observations*

I often see people moaning about others constantly going on about people who body build or are heavily into fitness. These people don’t realise that eating healthy and living healthy requires 24 hours of focus. They lack the education and knowledge of what it takes to become a successful athlete. I understand that people don’t have any interest in fitness and that’s great, I was one not long ago. Like anything, people have to surround themselves with like minded people. If you love eating junk then you will socialise with people who love eating junk too. If you love remote control cars, music, films, games, you have to socialise with people of the same interest.

If you are anything like me when I was overweight, I thought I was a man. I was big and held my head up high like a boss. My body was big and I thought I looked the part. Until I eventually looked in the mirror and jumped up and down. All I could see what mounds of fat jiggling around. I wasn’t big and a boss, I was fat and a lazy man.

As I say, I don’t care what anyone else does with their own body as it wont affect my life. I will however say that it’s never too late to change yourself! The longer you leave it though, the more you will regret it, if you want to change it.

If I look through my social media sites and look at the people who frown upon fitness posts, I genuinely understand why they frown. I used to frown upon those posts as they made me feel insecure and realise that I had to change for my own sake. I don’t know one person that can honestly say they enjoy being obese and unhealthy. They will tell me they are happy, but it’s quite obvious they are lying to themselves. I know this as that’s what I did. I also found myself very sensitive to people commenting on my appearance.

I remember buying the new England top in large and going to my dads. He looked at me and commented on how tight it was. I defended myself straight away saying something stupid about the top and completely blaming anything apart from me being fat. Clearly I had a massive insecurity as I remember that 8 years or so later. Just like the time my Uncle Ray asked my mate in front of me if he thought I was fat. It hurt me, but I defended it and told them I was just happy. ’I’ Lied!

The problem is and what I am trying to type here is that there is not enough information to  living and heating healthy around. You have to look for this information, rather than it being slapped in your face. I personally feel that the food industry needs to advertise more with healthy and active lifestyles. You have to want it though and have to think about it constantly.

It’s not a job, it’s a life…

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